


Love Notes

by Spoon888



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Matchmaking, Bad Poetry, It's The Blind Leading The Blind, M/M, Matchmaking, Megatron Has No Idea What's Going On, No One Has Any Idea How To Start A Relationship, Skywarp Has No Idea What He's Doing, Sticky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:01:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: Sick of suffering Megatron and Starscream's secondhand sexual tension, Skywarp takes matters, and a pen, into his own hands.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻译】恋爱笔记](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904510) by [Owl301](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owl301/pseuds/Owl301)



The _Nemesis_ was far from what could be called a structured working environment. Any number of things could be to blame. The lack of discipline, the poor communication, the conflicting goals of the entire high-command, the below average intelligence quotient of most Decepticons...?

Reports went missing, shifts went uncovered, and fights broke out every hour of the day. Yet one thing aboard the _Nemesis_ could always be counted on to remain the same.

The midday war council.

Not a second later than twelve hundred hours on the _Nemesis's_ bridge did most of it's occupants routinely abandon their posts to take an early and extended fuel break. Skywarp's warping abilities normally ensured he was first out of the room and far on the other side of the ship long before the daily chaos ensued. Those unfortunate enough to be trapped at a monitor during the dreaded hour were rarely likely to escape Soundwave's watchful gaze.

But today, Skywarp was one such unfortunate mech trapped at a monitor, and no amount of teleportation could get him out of it.

"Please," Skywarp begged, leaning across a keyboard and sending his monitor into a glitching mess of 'g's. His chrono ticked ominously closer to the dreaded time. "Please TC! You gotta switch with me-"

Thundercracker wasn't the slightest bit moved by his desperation. "I can't take your punishment for you." He said, focusing on the datapad he held. "Soundwave can tell the difference between us, you know."

"He won't notice," Skywarp flapped a servo. "Not with Megatron and Screamer going at it-"

"I said 'no' Warp."

"Please!" Skywarp clasped his servos together as he saw Decepticons gradually but subtly slipping past Soundwave and out the doors. He had less than five minutes before the war council was due to start. "Just a little while, I'll come straight back-"

He had no intention of coming back, and Thundercracker knew that. He snorted, tossing his datapad down as he got up to leave, "Sorry Warp."

Skywarp could already hear the shouting somewhere within the depths of the ship. Starscream must have run into Megatron somewhere along the way here and decided some things just couldn't wait an extra five minutes to be argued about.

"That's my cue to leave," Thundercracker said without any remorse for the victim he was leaving behind. "Let me know if Starscream survives..."

"I'll let you know if _I_ survive," Skywarp muttered mournfully, having no choice but to accept his fate.

Thundercracker calmly joined the last of the stragglers now scrambling to flee the bridge. He made it just in time. Skywarp watched his chrono click to twelve hundred and not a moment later did the main doors fly open to reveal two complete lunatics in the middle of a screaming match.

"-listen to your idiotic ideas when you clearly have no idea what you're doing!" Starscream's ranting voice penetrated every corner of the room as he chased behind his leader.

Skywarp ducked behind his monitor as Megatron stormed past. His aged face was twitching with suppressed fury.

"Soundwave," he barked, apparently ignoring Starscream today. Yeah, like _that_ had ever worked. "Your intel report-"

"I am _not finished_!" Starscream screeched with raw indignation.

Skywarp watched from over the top of his monitor as Starscream ran to block Megatron, expression twisted into a snarl, wings angled wide in an attempt to intimidate. The effect was ruined by the ridiculous height difference between him and Megatron.

"We can't attack the outstation when there are so many Autobots in the system! We have to wait-!"

"We can't wait!" Megatron suddenly roared, short fuse temper exploding to life. Starscream's flinch was well hidden. "Your plan would have us all _starve_ -!"

"-ration energon when you can't even-!" Starscream was trying to shriek over the top of him, half his sentence lost beneath Megatron's booming voice.

"-hoarding the rest for yourself-!"

Their shouts became a jumbled mess of incoherent frustration. Skywarp glanced past them at the ignored Soundwave, still holding his intel report out where Megatron had forgotten to take it from him. He looked far too close to the action to be safe. It wouldn't be the first time someone else had landed in the medbay because they had been standing behind Starscream when he'd ducked.

"-pampered little fool," Megatron was suddenly dangerously even-voiced, the shouting match having simmered down with Starscream's breathlessness.

Skywarp poked his helm out a little higher, wanting a good view at least. They were stood very close to each other, so close their noses could have been brushing, frames oozing a weird kind of tension.

For a moment Skywarp couldn't tell if Megatron was going to punch Starscream or yank him into a kiss.

"What would a spoilt Vosian Princeling know about fuel conservation?"

"Yes," Starscream hissed sarcastically, "because I spent my adolescence 'bathing in high grade' whilst lowly old you wallowed in the filth of the mines-"

Megatron's servos were twitching at his sides, "The only _filth_ I see here is _you_."

The slap rang through the room, louder than any of Starscream's shrieks had. Megatron's helm had snapped to the side and even with Starscream's raised servo it took Skywarp a moment to realise what had happened.

It wasn't often someone was quick enough to catch Megatron off guard. Even Starscream looked surprised.

Skywarp watched as Megatron slowly turned to face Starscream, a faint blue scuff marring his left cheek. Starscream took a hesitant step back, suddenly nervous.

Megatron lunged with an agility not normally attributed to his frame type, but Starscream span away with a panicked cry and didn't stop until he had fled through the bridge doors. Skywarp watched Megatron charge after him. Hysterical shouting and dulls thuds continued long after they had left.

Soundwave meanwhile, was left standing in the centre of the room, still holding his intelligence report.

So much for the war council.

"Better luck next time." Skywarp called to him, giving him a supportive thumbs up.

He was ignored. Rude.

 

* * *

 

 "When's the last time you actually sat in on the midday nightmare?" Skywarp caught up with Thundercracker that evening in the mess. He dragged his digit through split fuel and smeared it across the table.

Thundercracker shrugged, plucking an impurity from his own cube. "Can't remember."

"You ever notice anything... _strange_ about how Screamer and Megatron act around each other?"

Thundercracker looked at him and blinked slowly. "If you're talking about them wanting to kill each other-"

"No," Skywarp shook his helm, thinking about that weird tension. It wasn't the kind of tension that he was used to seeing, like gearing up for a fight, he was sure. There was a weird kind of heat between them when their gazes met, like the static he created in the air a spilt second before he warped.

"It's like they wanna clang each other."

Thundercracker had chosen that very moment to take a drink of his cube. A mistake on his part. The very next second he was spraying it across the table. Skywarp teleported out of the splash zone and reappeared next to him, clapping him on the back to help clear his airways.

"What?" Thundercracker choked.

"You weren't there, TC."

"Warp," Thundercracker wiped his mouth, then his optics, free of moisture. "I'm pretty sure they hate each other. We _know_ Starscream hates Megatron."

"I hate Optimus Prime but he's pretty nice to look at."

Thundercracker started wheezing again, a servo clasped to his chest like he was having a spark attack.

"What I _mean_ ," Skywarp continued, trying not to feel embarrassed. "Is that you can hate a mech and still think they've got nice thighs."

Thundercracker gripped the table to steady himself.

"You think _Optimus Prime_ has nice thighs?"

"No!" Skywarp was starting to feel annoyed now. " _Starscream_ thinks _Megatron_ has nice thighs!"

Thundercracker pushed the rest of his cube anyway, looking confused and unwell and generally just unhappy with everything about his current situation. Skywarp frowned. If Thundercracker had actually been on the bridge then he would understand. There had been a connection between the two of them. The sort of thing that was felt as much as it was seen.

"I think you've been watching too many bad squishy romances." Thundercracker decided, rubbing his helm.

"Laugh all you want, but I'll prove it."

"How?" Thundercracker looked worried suddenly. "By asking? And getting yourself killed in the process?"

That was a good point. Neither Megatron or Starscream were the sort of mech to open up about feelings and vulnerabilities, least of all to a third party, even as someone as friendly and trustworthy as himself.

He scratched his chin, then smiled when an idea began to form.

"Don't worry, TC, I've got a plan."

Thundercracker looked like he was getting a migraine.

 

* * *

 

Thundercracker was always accusing Skywarp of being petty. But he also accused Starscream of the same thing. Skywarp was of the opinion that pettiness was a necessary trait for a Decepticon. The ability to start arguments and hold grudges over the stupidest of things was a skill rife abroad the _Nemesis_.

What Skywarp was doing now wasn't petty though. It wasn't 'adding fuel to the fire' -something Thundercracker commonly said about his and Starscream's arguments, even though Skywarp was only ever trying to help. It was more akin to tossing a grenade and running, but he had a hunch and maybe it would work.

Or maybe it would engulf the entire faction like a supernova...

Couldn't hurt to try though.

He recalled the stupid notes he passed around in the academy. The ' _do you like me_ ' notes with little tick boxes labelled variations of ' _yes_ ' and ' _no_ '. Maybe it was dumb, but Starscream had passed them around too. Neither of them had ever received a ' _no_ ' response, but Starscream had always cheated by putting no ' _no_ ' option. It was always ' _yes_ ', ' _a lot_ ', and _'of course'._

He wouldn't get an honest opinion if he used Starscream's template, so he stuck to his own.

 _Do you like me?_ He wrote, pausing with a light-pen tapping his chin in thought.

_Yes? :)_

_No? :(_

There. Simple but effective. He signed Starscream's designation at he bottom and held his work at arms length proudly.

Now all that was left to do was slip it into Megatron's end of day brief and wait for the response.

He was hallway to the office when a sudden thought struck him. What if Megatron asked Starscream about the note? And showed him?

Anxious dread settled low in his tanks. Starscream would recognise the note from the ones they'd made together in the academy. He would know he had done it, and he'd probably try and kill him for real. Or worse, rip out his warp drive.

Skywarp worried at the note. No. It was too risky.

He erased the question and wracked his brain.

 _Megatron_ , he wrote, trying to channel his inner Starscream. Keep it simple, he told himself. What would Starscream say?

_Megatron, I'm not sorry I slapped you, you really deserved it. We should stop shouting at each other though. It's giving everyone a headache._

_P.S. I really like you._

Skywarp squinted at the note.

_P.S.S. Never bring with note up with me in person._

_Starscream._

Perfect. Foolproof. He shoved it into the pile of work on Megatron's desk and skipped off, congratulating himself on a job well done.

 

* * *

 

He found Starscream in his lab, working on a project. Skywarp didn't get to see what it actually was because Starscream threw a tarp over it as soon as he entered, tucking the corners around it's base to make _absolutely sure_ it was completely covered. Not suspicious at all.

"What's that?" He pointed.

"Nothing."

Yeah, totally not something to lose recharge over.

"What are you doing in here, Skywarp?" Starscream drew him from his contemplative appraisal of the mystery object. "You're clearly not here to use to faculties."

"Hey, I can do science." Skywarp protested, a little offended. Starscream was always treating him like an idiot. But they'd gone to the same academy, remember. They were both as stupid as each other.

Starscream hummed disbelievingly.

"And here I was coming to pay you a complement." He grumbled.

That peaked Starscream's interest. He straightened, nose in the air, "Oh?"

"Yeah. On that slap you gave Megatron earlier." Skywarp was loyal to Megatron, but even he had to admit it had been funny to watch. "It was pretty badass."

Starscream's lips pursed and Skywarp couldn't work out if he wanted to frown or smirk.

"He ever catch you?"

Starscream's expression suddenly darkened. It was obvious he wasn't going to answer that question. Which meant Megatron probably had.

Skywarp clasped his servos together and decided to just get to the point, "So before that happened, I overheard your argument on the bridge-"

"You were eavesdropping." Starscream's expression didn't lighten.

"It's not exactly 'eavesdropping' when you're screaming." Skywarp muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's the only way to get through to him." Starscream said furiously, fidgeting. To keep himself busy he turned to his tools and began lining them up neatly. "He doesn't _listen_ -"

"Maybe you should try listening to him?" Skywarp suggested helpfully. At Starscream's dark gaze he added, rather pathetically. "I mean, that's how... _conversations_ usually work. You're supposed to take it in turns to talk."

Starscream snorted. "Megatron and I don't have 'conversations'."

Yeah, Skywarp rolled his optics, he'd noticed. They had arguments instead. Wall shaking, audial piercing ones. Skywarp wondered if it was because neither one of them wanted to give the other the chance to think first. Or maybe they just didn't know how to express themselves like sane people.

He made a mental note to get Starscream a stress ball or something.

"Just trying to help," he put his servos up, knowing a lost cause when it was arguing with him. He pointed at the hidden project as he went to leave. "Just between us, is that something that's going to ruin everyone's day, or just Megatron's?"

Starscream glanced at the project.

"...Just Megatron's," he admitted reluctantly.

Oh good, one less thing for Skywarp to worry about at least.

 

* * *

 

He watched Megatron the next cycle. There was no change in his bad attitude. Skywarp wondered if he'd found the note? Had he read it? Or just seen Starscream's name at the bottom and screwed it up without a second thought?

Skywarp propped his helm atop the monitor and scowled at his broad grey back. What did Starscream even see in Megatron anyway? Sure he was a brilliant strategist and legendary orator- which was why Skywarp had flocked to his banner. But he was a little... _square_ , wasn't he?

He shook his helm and settled back, trying to think on his next move. Sending Megatron another note probably wasn't going to work a second time if it hadn't the first.

Time for plan b.

 

* * *

 

Starscream wasn't an idiot and he recognised Skywarp's hand writing. He needed to be smart about this.

He pilfered one of the datapads from the arm rest of Megatron's throne. He'd need it to bear Megatron's electronic signature on the message he was sending.

Starscream's name was listed at the top, one of the latest correspondents. Skywarp glanced through their most recent conversations, curious about what the two most senior Decepticons would talk to each other about.

Boring stuff it turned out.

He was disappointed to find curt, formal messages. Things like briefing times and memos and a lot of forwarded junk from Soundwave about productivity and fuel percentages. Skywarp didn't bother reading them in detail, worried new knowledge would push something else more important out of his processor. He only had so much storage space after all, and a lot of It was dedicated to fun things.

Like pictures of Thundercracker.

He flexed his digits in anticipation. What to write. What to write. Megatron was a poet, wasn't he? This should be easy.

_Your optics are red_

_Your thrusters are blue_

_It's a weird colour combination_

_But I like it on you_

Poetic genius in Skywarp's opinion.

He sighed it ' _Your Secret Admirer_ ' at the bottom, then encrypted the sender, knowing Starscream would go out of his way to find out who had sent it. He tapped send and watched it disappear with a whoosh, then just to be safe, deleted it from the sent messages.

He placed the datapad back on the armrest of Megatron's throne, adjusting it just so.

 

* * *

 

Again Skywarp waited on the bridge for the daily screaming match to turn into something less migraine inducing. Starscream will have read the poem and discovered the sender and been charmed enough to let his long standing pissing contest with Megatron lie by now.

He settled back in his seat and waited to reap the rewards of all his hard work.

As always, the bridge began to empty and his fellow monitor workers began to hunch down behind their screens, trying to turn invisible. Skywarp folded his arms behind his helm, knowing today wasn't going to be like every other day, and he wanted to witness it first hand.

Somewhere deep within the base he heard a shout.

He sat up, surprised. No, they could _still_ be-

"You know why!" Starscream's voice was very loud and very clear, like he was stood just outside the doors to the bridge. Odd that he would stop out here, almost like the conversation wasn't for the audials of just anyone.

Megatron's low voice was harder to hear, hissing and furious, "I have no idea why?! I don't know what you imagine I've done to offend you-"

"You think I'm an idiot?!" Starscream yelled, "I know it was you!"

"What?!" Megatron boomed, suddenly a lot louder. The mechs next to Skywarp whipped back around to face their monitors from where they'd been staring curiously at the door, listening in on the not-so-private argument. "What have I done?!"

"You're not funny!" Starscream hissed, and suddenly the doors whooshed open as he came striding in, a poleaxed Megatron following, "and your poetry sucks!"

Oh slag. Skywarp ducked behind his monitor and tapped some random keys. He stole a peak at Megatron's dejected confusion. He looked a little offended actually. Skywarp felt bad. His poem obviously hadn't been well received.

Stupid stuck-up Starscream.

Skywarp watched him dump some files into Soundwave's arms and stick his nose in the air.

"Since you have so much free time to spend screwing around writing nonsense jokes, I'm taking the shift off."

Megatron stepped forward. "You can't-"

"Watch me!" Starscream shrieked, straining Skywarp's audials.

He marched off of the bridge and left Megatron staring after him.

Skywarp shrank in his seat and poked at a button to look busy.

It wasn't a complete failure. At least no one was shouting now.  


	2. Chapter 2

Plan C, for the sake of Megatron's reputation as a writer, wasn't going to involve poetry.

"I think you've done enough damage as it is." Thundercracker said from his berth, playing with an impractically small human device. A game- some sort of cup with a ball attached on a string.

"Which is why I've got to fix it." Skywarp waved his light-pen. "Starscream thinks Megatron's being an Aft-head and Megatron thinks Starscream's crazy."

"That's nothing new." Thundercracker mumbled, failing to catch the ball in the cup, over and over again.

"I mean more than usual." Skywarp explained. "And if they start hitting each other over it I'll feel bad."

"Don't you already feel bad?"

Skywarp ignored him. "Okay, I'm done. Listen to this- ' _Megatron_ '-"

Thundercracker finally caught the ball in the cup and clenched his fist in victory. "Yes!"

"Hey!" Skywarp threw the pen at him, "Listen! ' _Megatron, meet me in the engine room at 18:00 standard. It's urgent. Signed Starscream.'"_

"That took you a whole hour?"

"I had to write _two_ messages!" Skywarp defended, holding up the other. "This one I'm sending to Starscream. ' _Screamer, meet me_ -'"

"Megatron wouldn't call Starscream 'Screamer'." Thundercracker interrupted, tossing the light-pen back.

"Oh yeah," Skywarp realised. He'd never heard Megatron use the infamous nickname. He wondered why. It was funny and it suited Starscream and Megatron didn't even have to worry about being briged for insulting a superior officer. "I wonder why?"

"Respect?" Thundercracker shrugged.

Nah, that couldn't be it. "Maybe he doesn't want to hurt his feelings?"

Thundercracker snorted in the middle of trying to catch the ball. He overshot and hit himself in the face with it.

"You deserved that." Skywarp muttered, fixing the notes. There. This should solve everything.

 

* * *

 

  
It came as a surprise for Skywarp that it did not, in fact, solve anything.

This, he blamed entirely on Starscream, who did not abide by the scripted plan Skywarp had concocted for him and Megatron- which was that they met each other in the depths of the ship, where it was warm from the engines, the lights dim, and the atmosphere perfect. They would talk, resolve their rivalry, hopefully make-out a little, and maybe take their pent up frustrations out on each other in private, and not on the bridge at the expense of everyone else's hearing.

What actually happened was that Megatron showed up, Starscream didn't, and Skywarp spent thirty minutes hiding between the cooling tanks watching Megatron slowly but surely lose his temper at being stood up until finally, he kicked the bulkhead, cursed, and left.

Oh, that couldn't be a good sign.

He wriggled out from the cooling units as soon as he was sure Megatron had taken his bad temper elsewhere, activating his comm.

"Screamer!" He hissed into it, "Where are you? Megatron's looking for you."

" _Shame_." Starscream said bluntly. " _I guess I'm busy_."

"But you're supposed to be meeting him?" Skywarp stumbled. "What if- what if it's important?"

" _I'm sure it is, but that's not my problem. He can deal with it himself."_

Skywarp picked up on the vitriolic in edge to Starscream's tone. "Are you still fighting with him?"

" _He knows what he did_."

Skywarp cringed. Megatron _didn't_ actually know what he'd done because he hadn't done it- and being held responsible for some imaginary slight was only going to shorten Megatron's already microscopic fuse. This whole thing was going in the complete opposite direction to where Skywarp had wanted it to go.

"Well," he huffed, and in a rambling attempt to fix everything, blurted, "maybe if you'd shown up to the stupid meeting you would have known he'd called it to apologise!"

" _Don't lie to me_!" Starscream snapped. " _Megatron doesn't know how to apologise. This has nothing to do with you."_

"But I-"

" _Stay out if it, Skywarp_ ," Starscream said dangerously, " _This is between your superior officers. The intricacies of the command chain is something beyond the comprehension of a simpleton like you."_

Skywarp pulled a face at the comm.

" _Are you still there_?" Starscream snapped.

"Yeah," Skywarp rolled his optics, "I was just committing your advice to memory."

" _See that you do_." Starscream didn't pick up the sarcasm.

The comm. clicked off. Skywarp stared down at it abysmally. Starscream really wasn't making this easy for him. He needed to step this up a gear.

Or two, or three.

 

* * *

 

"A what?" Thundercracker quite obviously didn't want to be involved in any of this, but morbid curiosity was a powerful thing, and there wasn't much else to do around here anyway.

"A butt call." Skywarp confirmed. "It's what the humans call comm'ing someone late at night for a clang."

Thundercracker squinted. "Booty. That's a booty call."

"Whatever," Skywarp shrugged, "I'm gonna send Megatron a comm. message from Starscream's frequency and summon him to his private quarters for some _alone time_ ," he wriggled his eyebrows. "He'll show up thinking Screamer wants a clang."

"And then Starscream'll kill him." Thundercracker guessed, stifling a yawn.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Skywarp said bravely. "I need you to distract Screamer so I can hack his comm."

"No"

"TC," he whined, pouting cutely. "Please."

Thundercracker stared at him, and Skywarp thought it was beginning to work.

"No."

Skywarp slumped. He had to do everything himself around here.

 

* * *

 

Thundercracker may have standards but that didn't mean everyone else did. Rumble and Frenzy, armed with a box of marbles and the promise of hurting Starscream, were easy to convince.

"Just knock him over." Skywarp whispered. "It'll be funny."

And that's all it took.

They waited behind the security corridor between the mess and the command centre. Starscream's pedefalls were easy to distinguish from everyone else's, because no one else walked like they were strutting down the Praxian Fashion Week catwalk.

Skywarp stuck his thumb up at the twins, signalling for them to make their move.

When he had given them marbles, he'd done so with the intention that they be thrown over the floor for Starscream to step and slip on. What the twins actually did was grab fistfuls of the tiny glass balls and launch them full pelt at Starscream's face.

With a furious howl Starscream threw his arms up and flailed, pulling all manner of indignant faces at the onslaught. He stumbled backwards and fell flat on his aft though, so good enough.

"Hey!" Skywarp stepped out of his hiding place and yelled at the twins in convincing anger, "Get the pit outta here ya tiny freaks!"

Rumble and Frenzy ran off laughing -taking the rest of his marbles with them, jerks- and Skywarp came to help up Starscream, subtly slipping a jack into the plug on his wrist comm as he did. It took half a second to clone and download his comm frequency. Starscream didn't even notice.

"One day," Starscream was muttering, rubbing at his face, "I'm going to punt those little insects down the waste shoot."

"Yeah, they're fragging losers," Skywarp agreed, brushing Starscream's cockpit to rid it of imaginary dust. "They came outta nowhere too. How weird."

Starscream grunted, looking at him suspiciously. "And what are _you_ doing up here?"

"I have to go suddenly." Skywarp decided to quit while he was ahead. He warped out of there and back to the safety of his rooms.

Step one; complete.

 

* * *

 

Step two was harder.

Sending the butt call.

"It's booty," Thundercracker's bored voice drifted over.

"Yeah whatever," Skywarp waved his servo, "That's what I said."

The trouble with this step was that Starscream was _really good_ at flirting, and Skywarp was not. He'd seen it plenty, back in the old days, wandering aimlessly behind Starscream's purposeful strut. Starscream could have any mech or femme or other eating out of the palm of his servo with just a few careful words and a wing flutter.

Whereas Skywarp was always stumbling over his words, snorting when he laughed, and spilling his own drinks down himself.

"Can you help?" He swivelled in his chair, setting pleading optics on Thundercracker's reclined, half asleep frame.

"With what?" Thundercracker cracked an optic open to squint at him.

"Writing the butt call."

"It's boot-"

"That's what I said!" Skywarp cried, feeling flustered. "How does someone write something like this?! ' _Hey Megastud, you wanna clang_?' "

"Yeah write that." Thundercracker mumbled, rolling onto his front and pushing his face into his pillow.

There was _no way_ Skywarp was writing that to Megatron. Even if this was technically coming from Starscream. Not even Starscream was that forward. Was he?

Thundercracker's vents evened out like he had fallen asleep, his wings dropping and settling down against his back. Skywarp decided he was probably as bad- if not worse- at flirting than he was anyway.

He slipped out quietly, not wanting to disturb Thundercracker, going in search of someone who _would_ know what to send.  

He passed the bridge and Soundwave was there. Skywarp stepped in, wondering how to broach the subject, when Soundwave's helm snapped in his direction. Skywarp was surprised enough to pause in place. He felt a presence brush his mind questioningly, and never good at shielding himself, Skywarp just let him.

Soundwave obviously discovered what he had come here with the intention of asking, because he slowly but firmly, shook his helm. No.

"But I-"

"No." Soundwave's monotone was loud across the bridge.

Skywarp tried not to let himself feel dejected. Soundwave probably couldn't flirt either. Skywarp had never seem him at it. And the thought alone was mind-boggling.

He passed by some of the Constructicons, and decided they probably would know how to send messages like this but it definitely wasn't worth getting them involved.

It was about to give up hope on the stupid idea and just leave Megatron and Starscream to argue each other to death with their weird sexual tension- when he came across _**her**_.

Slipstream was taller than every other seeker except maybe Ramjet, and broader in the shoulders. That, coupled with her perpetual scowl, made her more than a little intimidating. She was propped up against the bulkhead, glaring down the opposite corridor. Obviously on guard duty, and obviously unhappy about it.

"Hey!" Skywarp smoothed his features into a smile and tried to look cool.

Slipstream's helm tilted in his direction. Her lips quirked at the corners. "Well, if it isn't my favourite blueberry."

Skywarp blinked down at himself, realising that was probably a joke about his purple bodywork. "Megatron says purple is noble colour."

"All the more reason to avoid it." Slipstream smirked.

Skywarp frowned, "You know this is why you don't have a trine."

Slipstream wasn't easy to rile, which is probably why his callous remark only prompted a dark sneer. She turned in the opposite direction again, waving a long clawed servo dismissively. "Funny. Warp away now, little idiot."

"No wait!" Skywarp flapped his servos like a panicked pigeon. "I just need your help with something. I need to send a flirty message to Megatron, but I don't know what to write."

Slipstream arched a brow. "Finally got over Thundercracker, huh?"

Skywarp felt himself flush hot all over. "What? No. I mean- I don't-" he shook his helm, "No I mean, it's not from me. I'm pretending it's from Starscream."

Slipstream's optics sparked bright with sudden interest. She leant in. "Oh?"

"I'm trying to set them up," Skywarp grinned when Slipstream did.

"Hmm," she pushed away from the bulkhead. "Perhaps I _can_ help you."

"Really?"

"Yes," Slipstream smiled, almost wickedly. "Hand it here. I know just what to write."

 

* * *

 

_Come over and clang me_

Skywarp stared at the message Slipstream had typed in and sent.

_Come over_

_and clang me_

From Starscream's comm frequency, to Megatron.

"I said subtle." He looked at Slipstream.

"That _is_ subtle for Starscream." Slipstream smirked, and Skywarp was beginning to think she'd done it out of spite. "You said they were being difficult. This leaves no room for doubt. And if they don't finally get over themselves and clang, they'll probably kill each other, and they won't be our problem anymore."

Skywarp felt nauseous. Oh Primus. They might _kill each other._

And it'd be his fault.

"I have to go!" He shouted and started running in the direction of Starscream's quarters.

"No one likes a spike-blocker!" Slipstream yelled after him. He ignored her.

He needed to buffer this situation. It was one thing to lure Megatron to Starscream's quarters in hopes that it nudged them together, and whole other thing to be handing out promises of an interface without the participants knowledge. He didn't want to be Starscream's pimp!

He hoped Megatron didn't turn up because he didn't know what was worse. Megatron turning up at Starscream's door because he was angry at such an receiving such an inappropriate proposition, or because he was intending to accept it.

He skidded to a halt and activated his warp drive, reappearing in Starscream's dark room with a flash of purple. Instantly Starscream shot up in his berth, aiming a nullray between his optics.

"Agh! It's me!" He yelled before Starscream could shoot, waving his arms in a panic.

Starscream didn't lower his weapon. "What are you doing in here? These are my private quarters!"

"Yeah I know but-"

The door chime rung.

Skywarp's spark stopped in it's chamber.

With furious muttering Starscream threw his insulation sheet from his legs and swung them off the berth. "That had better be Thundercracker coming to collect you-"

"Don't answer it!" Skywarp flung himself in front of the door, arms wide.

Starscream stopped in his tracks, face shifting from surprised to suspicious in a spark-beat. "Why? Who is it?"

Skywarp wriggled his fingers, arms still wide and blocking. "Um... No one?"

Starscream snarled and shoved his arm to the side. Ordinarily Skywarp would have just let him, unwilling to risk a physical fight with Starscream when the other seeker was not only faster, but more keen to fire his weapon, but he couldn't let Starscream open that door.

He pushed Starscream from behind, and he tripped and fell, catching himself on his hands with a furious shout of, "Skywarp!"

"Sorry!" Skywarp yelped, leaping over him like a hurdle and reaching the door. He opened it, and there, of course, was a very confused looking Megatron, comm. wrist held aloft like he hadn't been able to lower it since reading the message.

"Change of plans, he's busy!" Skywarp yelled in a rush, and then slapped the door shut again on Megatron's face. Something he might be punished for later, but he'd worry about that another time.

Starscream scrambled to his pedes, "Who was that!?"

"No one!" Skywarp yelled again, flattening himself against the door again in case Megatron hadn't left yet.

What followed was an awful wrestling match, Starscream using his claws and digging them into his seams in unsportsmanlike violence. Skywarp slapped him and yelped and did his best not to be moved but was finally knocked to the side.

"Wait!"

Starscream opened the door into an empty hallway. Skywarp watched him step out and look both ways, frowning.

"Is this some stupid prank?" Starscream demanded, stepping back in.

"Yeah," Skywarp agreed, finally able to breath again. "A stupid prank. But it didn't work so I guess I'll-"

"Get out." Starscream finished for him, seizing his arm and swinging him out through the door. Skywarp stumbled out into the corridor, catching himself on the opposite bulkhead.

"I'll deal with you tomorrow." Starscream said darkly, and let the door whoosh shut.

Skywarp was just thankful everyone was still alive.

 

* * *

 

What he'd learnt from the previous nights debacle was that Slipstream was capable of eclipsing even Starscream as the least trust worthy Decepticon. What he hadn't learnt, was why Megatron had shown up at Starscream's door anyway.

He hadn't looked like a mech ready for a clang _or_ to kill.

Skywarp watched him and ignored the monitor he was supposed to be working at. It wasn't just because the monitor was boring, but because Megatron was acting... strangely.

Skywarp shrunk in his seat and tried not to feel so sick. Starscream hadn't arrived on the bridge yet, and he had no idea what was going to happen when he did. He felt hot and cold and shaky and stiff all at once. He didn't know why he was so nervous. It was Starscream that was going to have to suffer the fallout.

A elbow nudged his side and he found Thrust peering at him, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Skywarp shook himself out of it. He couldn't pull his gaze away from Megatron, impatiently tapping his digits on the arm rest of his seat and throwing glances at the door every few minutes. He was waiting for Starscream.

"Well get back to work. I don't wanna get slagged cuz you're slacking."

Skywarp ignored him, dragging his digits over random keys to fill up the screen to any nosy onlookers. The hour for the midday war council was ticking ever closer.

He was fallen into a numb lull of anxiety by the time the door actually opened and Starscream came in. He looked as stuck up and impatient as ever, and the lines on Megatron's face became deeper.

"You never sent back approval for the new attack manoeuvres." Starscream growled as he passed Skywarp.

Skywarp watched Megatron stroke his chin thoughtfully, considering Starscream. "I was under the impression you were busy last night."

Starscream squinted at him, "Where from?"

Megatron's optics immediately snapped to Skywarp. Starscream turned and followed his gaze. Skywarp ducked behind his monitor with a squeak, rapidly pressing random buttons until his monitor screen glitched and froze.

He swore, trying to get it working again.

He glanced up to seek help and found Starscream had crossed the room and was now looming over him furiously.

"Ahh!" He yelled on instinct.

"What have you been up to?" Starscream demanded, wings fanned wide behind him to make his slighter frame look broad.

"Nothing?"

"Then why is Megatron telling me you shooed him way from my quarters last night?" Starscream interrogated dangerously. "I told you not to get involved in this."

"I..." Skywarp rubbed the back of his helm, "Trust me Screamer. You'd probably be thanking me if you knew what he wanted."

Starscream arched a brow, "Oh? And what was it that he wanted?"

Skywarp gawped like a fish.

"I can ask him..." Starscream turned threateningly.

"No, no!" Skywarp grabbed his wrist and tugged him down. Starscream hissed and tried to slap him away but Skywarp rose so his mouth was by Starscream's audial. "He... He has a crush on you."

Starscream froze against him, and it was like they were back at the academy again, giggling behind the flight hangers and gossiping about the seniors. Starscream's optics were wide and bright, truly taken off guard. He looked instinctively towards their leader.

"He's what-?"

"Shh," Skywarp hushed him desperately, yanking his attention away from Megatron. "You- you don't know? He's obsessed with you."

This was a worse lie than the time Skywarp had started a rumour that Starscream's wings had been moded in the academy, and then blamed it on some innocent mini-bot. 

Starscream nodded like that was understandable anyway. Skywarp suppressed the urge to roll his optics at his obnoxiousness.

"Well..." He murmured. "I had a feeling..."

This time Skywarp _did_ roll his optics. "Yeah, he's been going insane with wanting."

He'd said it sarcastically, but Starscream looked delighted. He was practically purring when he drew way from Skywarp, wings and nose high. "Well, can you blame him? I mean..." He gestured to all of himself, like that was explanation enough.

Skywarp struggled to keep his expression sincere. "Just, don't tell him I told you. Okay? Or he'll, ya know, slag me."

Starscream waved a servo dismissively, no longer interested in him. "Yes yes," he muttered, staring across the room at Megatron. "Of course."

Skywarp watched him strut back to the front of the bridge, to Megatron's side, to talk about important boring stuff and hopefully not their personal relationship. Skywarp watched Starscream shift easily into old habits, helm tilted, servos on hips, predatory in his flirtatiousness.

Megatron noticed, frown deepening. It was not the reaction of a mech harbouring long hidden feelings.

Skywarp felt nauseous all over again.

Oh no. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
The idea that he could have been wrong, and that Megatron didn't actually like Starscream _at all_ was mildly terrifying. Especially now that Starscream had upped his flirt output to it's maximum setting. He'd been about two inches away from sliding himself onto Megatron's armrest (and then, if Skywarp knew Starscream, onto his lap) on the bridge earlier.

He hadn't followed through, thank Primus, because Megatron had suddenly had to leave.

Yet more evidence to the contrary.

"TC, I screwed up!" He burst into his trinemate's quarters and yelled.

Thundercracker, writing something on his datapad, didn't look particularly surprised by the news or his desperate tone. Like Skywarp screwing up was something that happened on the regular.

"Yeah" he mumbled, distracted.

"TC!" Skywarp slapped the datapad out of his servos. "Stop writing your movie and listen. I think Megatron's gonna kill Starscream."

Thundercracker looked annoyed that he'd been rude enough to slap his work away, but calmly bent to pick it back up. "That makes a change. Normally it's Starscream who wants to kill him."

"No!" Skywarp wailed. "Because Starscream _does_ want to clang Megatron. I was- I was fifty percent right!" He grasped at straws. "I was right about that!"

"And?"

"...And I wasn't right about anything else." Skywarp mumbled. "Megatron doesn't like Starscream back."

Thundercracker sighed, "This isn't the academy Skywarp. They're adults. They'll work it out-"

"No, because I just told Starscream that Megatron _did_ like him!"

Thundercracker looked stressed again. "Why?!"

"I dunno!"

Thundercracker looked at his screen, then back at him. "Then tell Starscream the truth."

Skywarp fidgeted, "I can't do that." He whispered, "it'll break Starscream's black hole of a spark."

Thundercracker wasn't very emphatic, "He'll get over it."

"You don't know that!" Skywarp argued, "You don't know what it's like, liking someone so much and them not liking you back! It sucks, TC, it really sucks."

Thundercracker blew out air from his vents. "What do you want to do. Force Megatron into pretending to like Starscream? Good luck."

"Not pretend." Skywarp pressed his servos together, contemplating his options. "...Maybe trick?"

Thundercracker rolled his optics and went back to his screenplay.

 

* * *

 

Skywarp just wished Starscream wasn't so damn obvious. His idea of subtle made a brick to the face look like a gentle caress.

Starscream stared at Megatron (or smouldered or whatever) and Megatron noticed, and _Skywarp_ noticed and cringed in embarrassment whenever Megatron cleared his vocaliser like he wanted Starscream to stop. It was a generous hint for Starscream to turn his gaze elsewhere, but he didn't.

He knew what he wanted and what he wanted was to be worshiped and Skywarp had just thrown poor defenceless Megatron at his pedes like the sacrificial lamb.

Starscream had been like this with Skyfire too. Skywarp had never known someone so big could look so small being squashed under Starscream's obnoxious overbearing thumb. He would have hoped Starscream had learned some tact over the years, but nope. Here they were again.

This was going to be a disaster.

And the longer Megatron awkwardly ignored Starscream's attempts at flirting, the shorter Starscream's temper became.

And the more Thundercracker blamed him.

"It's weird that you're even trying to set them up in the first place " Thundercracker frowned judgmentally. "Starscream is... _Starscream_ , and Megatron is Megatron and neither of them should be in a relationship. Let alone with each other."

"Thanks TC I'll keep that in mind." Skywarp grumbled, genuinely annoyed with him. "Everyone deserves a chance to have someone, you know. This whole ship is full of screw ups, but that doesn't mean we can't have good things too."

Thundercracker kept his opinions to himself after that, but his disproval was heavy. Skywarp felt it whenever Starscream sulked during morning refuels and handed out obscenely strict punishments for the tiniest of mistakes.

Thundercracker was right. Skywarp couldn't force Megatron into liking Starscream, but that didn't mean he couldn't make him _think_ he did.

He thanked fleshling culture and their media's obsession with romance and sex and their many, many traditions surrounding it for the idea of mistletoe. Yes, it was summer here. Yes, he couldn't find any mistletoe. No, he didn't know what it looked like anyway. But surely, any green plant glued to the ceiling would work.

"Is that lettuce?" Thundercracker squinted up at the round green leafy ball Skywarp had duct taped to the ceiling of the hallway leading to the command centre.

Skywarp shrugged. "How do you know so much about Earth plants?"

Thundercracker shrugged back. "Sometimes I watch the Food Network."

Oh well, that explained it.

"But it'll work, right?"

"I don't think Megatron knows about mistletoe." Thundercracker admitted. "Or Starscream, for that matter. Even if you could get them under your _lettuce_  at the same time I don't think they'd kiss. Megatron'll will probably shoot it down."

"Have you always been such a pessimist?" Skywarp frowned at him.

Thundercracker looked sad. "Someone has to be."

 

* * *

 

Skywarp's own processor was pessimistic enough without Thundercracker adding to it, so he told his trinemate he should just go away if he couldn't contribute anything helpful.

So he left. Great.

The lettuce/mistletoe failed anyway because it fell from the ceiling and nailed Astrotrain in the head about ten minutes after he'd gotten it up there, and the risk of that happening again when it was Megatron under it hurt to even think about.

He walked along, bouncing the lettuce in his servo, wondering how to prevent Megatron from getting molested and subsequently killing Starscream in revenge and if this lettuce he was now stuck with was going to be any use at all.

"Skywarp!"

Oh no. Starscream was marching down the corridor towards him. Skywarp turned around and pretended he hadn't heard.

"I know you saw me, Skywarp! Get over here."

"Oh, hey Screamer!" He forced brightness into his demeanour.

"Don't 'hey' me!" Starscream reached him and pointed to the nearest empty office, "Get in there. You have a lot of explaining to do."

Caught. Skywarp realised, clutching his lettuce to his chest. Starscream was going to slag him and then tell Megatron what he'd done so he could slag him too. All he'd wanted was to bring a little peace to everyone's lives.

Starscream slammed the door behind them. Skywarp flinched, thinking the next thing to be slammed would be him.

"What has he told you?!"

Skywarp blinked, relaxing his death grip on the lettuce a little. "Huh?"

"Megatron?" Starscream's tone was strained, a little desperate even. "He's not- he won't- Is he dense?! Nothing is working. It's like trying to seduce a speed bump!"

Skywarp cringed, "He's... shy?"

No one in their right mind would believe that. Starscream stared at him, expression frozen.

"You're kidding me."

"No?"

Tell me the truth!" Starscream seized his collar seam and yanked him up close. "Has he lost interest?! Is he getting it from someone else? Cough it up!"

Skywarp grabbed Starscream's wrists, his pedes skimming the floor. Had Starscream always been this strong? "I... Um?"

He was lifted further off the floor, Starscream's grip tightening, fanged denta bared. "Is it you!?"

"No!" Skywarp gasped. "No, I swear. I- I... I like TC!"

Starscream dropped him, and Skywarp felt humiliation wash over him at the look of disgust Starscream flashed him. "Oh, how pathetic. I can only hope Thundercracker has the sense to know he can do better."

Cold shame warmed to indignant anger. Skywarp clenched his fists. "As much sense as Megatron has when it comes to _you_. He must have realised what a big loser- slut you are!"

Not all that great an insult, human slang, but Starscream knew what it meant and his lips curled. It was actually really scary. Skywarp strategically placed a chair between them.

"I'll have Megatron eating out of the palm of my servo by the end of the week." He said, voice low and dangerous. "Whereas you? How long have you had your little crush for? A million years? Two?"

Skywarp's cheeks were hot. Admitting it was three wouldn't do him any good.

"Prove it then," he goaded, no longer caring if Starscream got himself slagged in the process. Maybe it would be a reality check for him. "If you're so great?! He doesn't even smile around you."

Starscream snorted, "Because Thundercracker smiles all the time, doesn't he? Especially when he's dealing with _your_ messes."

Skywarp threw the lettuce at his head. It bounced off the corner of his helm. Starscream blinked in surprise, then his expression grew thunderous. Skywarp screamed and warped out of there.

Great. He'd just made everything so much worse.

 

* * *

 

He expected to wake up the next day and hear news that Starscream was in the medbay with a dislocated jaw because he'd done something stupid like kissed Megatron and gotten punched, but he didn't. Starscream was alive and well, and quite clearly taking his challenge seriously enough to bide his time.

Skywarp only ever saw him put this level of thoughtfulness into trying to kill someone.

Megatron looked as grumpy and confused (and grumpy because he was confused) as he always did, which meant nothing good or bad had happened between them yet. Skywarp was thankful. Despite their argument the previous day, he really didn't actually want to see Starscream get the scrap beaten out of him.

And not just because he happened to be the first reserve and he did not want the responsibly of running the airforce.

He was just wondering why the pit _Thundercracker_ wasn't first reserve when he was so much more obviously responsible than he was, when Starscream entered the mess hall. He stuck his helm up, watching as his trineleader headed to the dispensary and filled _two_ cubes.

He knew Starscream was a greedy aft but that was just excessive.

He watched Starscream navigate the crowded mess, struggling to keep his cubes unspilt by raising them overhead. A couple of playful -stupid- mechs tried to steal the extra cube out of his servos, and Skywarp knew that if Starscream hadn't had his servos full they'd have probably had their optics scratched out by now.

The bench next to him thunked as Thundercracker sat down. "Whatcha watching?"

"Starscream." Skywarp mumbled, interest peaking when he realised Starscream was heading to Megatron's bench. The old mech was already curved over a spread of files. He was alone at a table, undisturbed because most knew better than to attempt social interaction with an angry unfuelled warlord before the duty shift started. But not Starscream.

Starscream was stupid. 

"Oh boy," he breathed.

"-think you're getting carried away with this, Warp," Thundercracker was talking, oblivious to the dire situation. "Are you even listening-"

"Shh!" Skywarp flapped a servo and accidentally hit him in the face. "I think Screamer's about to commit suicide by proxy!"

Starscream reached Megatron's table and wordlessly slid the cube up next to his servo.

Megatron looked up.

"What are they saying?" Thundercracker was asking.

Skywarp shushed him again, wishing he knew. It was no good trying to lip read when he couldn't see Starscream's face and Megatron... wasn't saying anything. Was that a good sign or a bad sign?

Starscream didn't sit with Megatron, which Skywarp thought had been his primary objective. Instead he remained standing, hip cocked, wings animated, his trim waist and glossy cockpit at Megatron's eye level, but he wasn't looking anywhere but Starscream's face.

And he was frowning.

Skywarp lifted his servos to his face, his fuel rolling unpleasantly around his tanks. "I can't look."

He watched through the gaps in his fingers anyway.

They continued to talk. Starscream poked a few files on the table. Megatron's expression seemed to deteriorate with every passing moment. _Get out of there,_ Skywarp wanted to scream. He knew what it felt like to give someone your all and get nothing but blank disinterest back, but this was worse than that. Megatron was _mean_.

Skywarp almost wanted to march over there and tell him Starscream was too good for him anyway! And he would of, had he had another couple minutes to gather his courage.

And had Starscream not thrown all sense of self preservation out the airlock when he bent at the waist, pushed Megatron's carefully organise files out of the way, and planted a firm kiss right on the mouth with enough conviction Skywarp could have sworn he'd heard the wet lip smack from all the way over here.

Starscream straightened. Megatron seized his wrist before he could draw away. Skywarp closed his servos. He couldn't watch. It was his fault.

He opened his optics to see the result, expecting a Starscream shaped smear on the floor.

"Hey?!" He stood, panicked, "Where'd they go!?"

"Out?" Thundercracker pointed to the exit. He didn't look anywhere near as concerned as he should have been, considering Megatron had just dragged their trinemate off to his _death_!

He stumbled off the bench and took off running, Thundercracker calling after him.

"Screamer?" He called, skidding out in the corridor, looking for mechfluid and dismembered limbs which might be some clue as to where they'd gone, what had happened. "Starscream?!"

No answer. He fidgeted, knowing this wasn't good, and it was his fault. And Starscream, poor Starscream was annoying and selfish and real jerk but he didn't deserve getting so callously rejected by someone he obviously had such a thing for.

"Starscream!" He yelled loudly, and warped into the next room. It was empty, but Skywarp would search every last cranny of his base until he found them. Then he could grab Starscream and warp them away and lie down low somewhere off base until the heat was off.

He warped again. Into an empty supply closet. Again, into an empty meeting room, again into a office-

Occupied.

"Starscream!" He shouted in relief at the sight of his bright armour before the rest of the scene registered.

Starscream looked up at him with wide optics, and he had to look up because he was kneeling on the floor. Megatron was stood in front of him, his expression caught between confusion and fury (nothing knew), but he had a servo on Starscream's wing, and Starscream had _his_ servos on Megatron's hip plating.

"Skywarp." Starscream said stiffly. "I'm _busy_."

He- _oh_.

Skywarp blinked rapidly as considered the level Starscream was knelt at, lined up perfectly with Megatron's chunky codpiece, his cheeks suddenly like furnaces. He wanted to tell himself that Starscream was merely in the process of begging for mercy at Megatron's pedes, but even he wasn't naive enough to believe that. He knew what a mech about to suck spike looked like.

He pointed, "But I thought-? He never-?"

Starscream snorted aggressively, digits hooking in the seams of Megatron's hips when the larger mech shifted his footing as though to move away. "He never what?"

"Smiled? He's always scowling!" Skywarp squinted at Megatron, giving him an apologetic shrug. "I didn't think you actually _liked_ -"

"I don't." Megatron growled, in chorus with Starscream's, "He doesn't."

Oh, Skywarp blinked.

 _Oh_ , his surprise sunk into pessimistic realism.

But of course! Of course it didn't matter that Megatron didn't actually like Starscream. He didn't need to like him to want to stick his spike down his intake. Skywarp couldn't imagine that, being intimate with someone you didn't want to give everything to.

"Skywarp, will you get out!" Starscream finally lost patience, shifting on his knees like it ached to be on them for so long. Skywarp remembered he was just standing there like a weirdo. He looked at Megatron's face and cowered at the venomous glare he found there.

He squeaked out a sorry and warped out into the corridor.

He had to hand it to Starscream- only the bravest of mechs would be willing to choke down what Megatron had to give them.

 

* * *

 

"How'd it go?" Thundercracker brushed his wing.

Skywarp kept his face firmly imbedded in the pillow. "Fine." He mumbled.

"Is Starscream okay?"

At Thundercracker's concern Skywarp felt annoyed again. He lifted his helm to glare. "Of course he is. You know Starscream. Gets everything he wants..."

"I thought you wanted them to get together?"

"Yeah!" Skywarp scowled. " _Properly_. You know, hand holding, hugs, _smiling_ at one another."

"That's not how Starscream rolls."

Skywarp already knew that. He'd witnessed it first hand at the academy, Starscream in his prime had been terrifying to behold. Age had not mellowed him out as Skywarp had hoped...

"I wanted them to be happy."

"Your idea of happy is not the same as everyone else's." Thundercracker said gently, brushing over his wing again. Skywarp loved it when he touched his wings, his grip was firm but his servos were soft. "I think you did a good job. Maybe this is what they needed to resolve all their bottled up tension."

"I guess."

Thundercracker smiled and left. Skywarp's wing felt cold without his servo on it.

He'd done it. Starscream and Megatron were together.

So why didn't it feel like a happy ending?

 


	4. Chapter 4

Starscream lost himself to the bliss that was the stroke then plunge of Megatron's thick spike filling his valve. He felt liquid under his leader's weight, his dignity and sense of reality alike dripping down the edges of the berth. Breath on his neck, fingers in his transformation seams, every sensor drowning in Megatron.

Pleasure raked across his internal nodes and he couldn't bring himself together enough to feel solid when he overloaded, clutching at Megatron like he thought he'd disintegrate into nothing at how _good_ it was.

The mouth on his neck hitched softly, the tiniest of reactions, and warmth flooded his internals.

"Told you I was good." He whispered.

Megatron snorted into his collar, still inside and still on top and _still_ heavy. "You didn't do anything."

"I didn't have to." Starscream purred, stroking the back of Megatron's distinctly shaped helm. He twitched his hips. "Up now. I have places to be."

Megatron huffed again but rose. "You are needed wherever I so choose you to be needed."

"It's endearing that you believe that." Starscream stretched out his cramping legs and rolled out from under him, feeling a little like his knee joints had disappeared as he tried to stand tall. "I'll return tonight."

He said it as a statement, but watched carefully for Megatron's reaction. He was unreadable at first, contemplative.

"If you'll have me." Starscream added, for the first time maybe ever, feeling a little nervous.

"I look forward to it." Megatron decided, "Don't be late."

Starscream had to suppress his smile. He nodded, and flaunted himself a little on the way out. He caught Megatron looking at his wings, so he knew it had worked.

Just one last thing to do.

"Well, Skywarp, you owe me an apology." He said into his comm.

The response was hardly enthusiastic. " _Yeah, Screamer. Good for you. Guess you really are irresistible."_

The sentence ended with the _boop_ of a disconnection. Starscream stared at his wrist. Had he just... hung up on him?! Before he could really even gloat about how great the clanging had been?!

 _Jealously is unbecoming of you_ , he messaged him, needing to have the last word. Skywarp didn't respond.

Which rather took some of the enjoyment from Starscream's post-coital morning glow. Half the fun in 'facing came from gossiping about it with Skywarp afterwards. At least it had when they were younger. It was one of few things they still did today.

They'd always enjoyed that immature but nostalgic aspect of their... well, not friendship exactly, it was more of a working relationship. He could hardly wander up to Thundercracker and whisper about how big Megatron had been and how long he had lasted and then spend all afternoon snickering and reminiscing over lovers gone by with him. He'd just judge.

Maybe it was because Skywarp hadn't been with someone in so long. It had to hurt, him getting all the attention and Skywarp getting none.

Well, maybe he could help things along a little. What else were work-friends for?

 

* * *

 

 "You want me to _what_?" Thundercracker's optics were the size of tractor wheels.

"Clang him." Starscream elaborated. "Just once, you don't have to make a thing of it. I'll pay you."

" _Pay_ me?!"

"He likes you," Starscream rolled his optics, pressing a credit chip into his servo. "So it has to be you. Just to get him over his little infatuation."

"What are you-" Thundercracker looked panicked, he stared at the credit chip in horror. "I- of course he likes me, we're- we're friends! Just friends! He's never-"

Starscream cocked an optical ridge, "So you've never thought of him like that?"

Thundercracker turned glowing purple. "Well I mean, I guess I-"

"Wonderful!" Starscream clapped his servos together and deftly snatched the credits back. "I don't have to pay you then."

"But I-"

"Good luck, Thundercracker!" Starscream called over his shoulder slipping from the room.

 

* * *

 

  
He'd given Thundercracker an order, and as his superior, he expected it to be obeyed unquestioningly. Skywarp would spring back to his old self after a little casual platonic interfacing, and then Starscream once again had a work-friend he could run and tell all the interestingly intimate tidbits he'd learnt about Megatron from the night before- like how old fashioned he was. Starscream had never met a mech who actually _preferred_ the missionary position.

"I want to see you." Megatron had breathed the night before, pinning his servos down so he hadn't been able to cover his face.

Starscream squirmed at the memory, thighs pressing together at the warm flutter that brewed between his hips.

Megatron glowering at him from across the command centre right now didn't help in the least, his mouth hidden behind his fist as he watched him, like he knew what Starscream was thinking about.

Starscream liked the attention. He liked ignoring it even more. Let Megatron chase _him_ for a while.

Besides, he had others things to occupy himself with, like Thundercracker loitering in the hallway outside the command centre, pacing back and forth and talking to himself, casting curious glances through the doorway where a dejected looking Skywarp was was flicking through camera feeds. Optics glazed over.

They were both as bad as each other.

Starscream clasped his servos behind his back and strolled towards the fretting Thundercracker. He smirked as he passed Megatron, catching out of the corner of his optics how the older mech's gaze swept over his frame.

"Thundercracker." He purred, summoning him with a curled digit. "Come here."

Thundercracker looked pale and nervous. He swept a servo across his forehead and skittered over, wide optics bouncing between Skywarp's back and the floor.

"I gave you an order, Thundercracker."

Thundercracker nodded vehemently, "I finished those patrol reports last-"

"Not them." Starscream sighed, taking his shoulder and shunting him in the direction of Skywarp. "Him."

Optics grew impossibly wider. "You can't order me to-"

"I just did." Starscream growled. "What is wrong with you? I'm not asking you to sparkbond with him. It's a pity clang, that's all."

Colour came back to Thundercracker face with startling speed. Energon filled his cheeks and his brow darkened. "It wouldn't _be_ a _pity clang_. Anyone would be lucky to be with him, he's-"

"Well lucky you!" Starscream hissed, "So go!" He shoved him, and Thundercracker stumbled too far forward with a loud series of clangs for him to escape now. Skywarp looked up at the sound, face brightening, but not enough to dissolve the sadness in his optics.

"TC!" He grinned, jumping up from his monitor.

Starscream turned away, pretending to consider one of the other monitors as Thundercracker's low voice dropped to a mumble. He watched out of the corner of his optics, carefully considering their body language. Thundercracker had his arms folded over his chest, his helm down, chin almost brushing his cockpit. Skywarp was twisting his digits together, his shoulders awkwardly hunched.

Starscream wanted to despair. _That_ was flirting?!

"Starscream,"

Megatron appeared next to him, and unlike Thundercracker and Skywarp _he_ was perfectly capable of projecting his intentions with body language; leaning into Starscream's personal space, arm slung over a nearby monitor.

"Not now." He said, sticking his open servo in Megatron's face as he strained to listened to Thundercracker stutter over something and rub the back of his neck.

"What are you-?"

"Shh, not now." Starscream's waved him away. "I'm busy."

He was vaguely aware of Megatron's scowl and angry muttering as he moved away again, stamping footsteps drawing the attention of those nearby. Starscream let him sulk. He was more interested in Skywarp and Thundercracker, and whatever the pit _they_ were doing.

Skywarp looked sad and awkward, and Thundercracker looked _embarrassed_ and awkward, and after several painful minutes, Thundercracker separated and came trundling back over to Starscream.

Starscream stared at him.

"I-" Thundercracker looked aside. "I- I don't think he's interested, Starscream, are you sure-"

Starscream thought if he rolled his optics any harder they were going to overload and blow out of his helm. "Yes! _Yes_! For-"

Frustration near overwhelming, he threw his arms up and left Thundercracker stood there.

Without hope- both of them. No wonder they'd been 'friends' for so long. They were both too petrified to do anything more about it!

 

* * *

 

Starscream wasn't going to resort to ridiculous schemes and trickery to get his trine's act together and restore Skywarp's peppy demeanour, and in his experience, if it wasn't broken, there was no need to fix it. What had worked in the academy when he was a mechling, would certainly work now.

He snatched up a datapad, cleared it of whatever boring drivel Megatron had been scribbling on it, and defaulted to the unfailing note layout that had never failed him.

_Do you like Skywarp?_

_Yes_

_A lot_

_Of course_

There.

He marched with purpose to the tower where Skywarp and Thundercracker were getting ready for daily manoeuvres, note in hand and without any preamble, shoved it into Thundercracker's chest when he saw him.

"What-?"

"What's that, Screamer?" Skywarp peered at it curiously.

"Thundercracker's paperwork." Starscream explained with a glare. "Urgent. Do it now."

Thundercracker turned it over and read it, his cheeks turning bright purple. "I-"

Starscream unsubspaced a light pen and tossed it at him. "I don't have time for indecisive flapping."

Thundercracker glanced between them and sighed despairingly. He scribbled on the datapad, keeping it hidden from Skywarp's curious optics. He hurriedly handed it back to Starscream.

Without looking Starscream handed it to Skywarp.

"Don't give it to him now!" Thundercracker cried, trying to snatch it back.

Skywarp warped away, grinning conspiratorially, until he glanced down at the note. The smile slipped off his face. He stared at it, expression unreadable.

Thundercracker started stuttering nonsense, "I- it's okay if you don't- if you're not- we're friends! I'll never- I don't want to pressure you or-"

The note hit the floor with a slap when Skywarp teleported and left it behind. The next second he was in front of Thundercracker, fisting his chest armour and dragging him into a kiss. Starscream cast a curious glance at the datapad on the floor.

'Yes', 'a lot', and 'of course' were _all_ ticked.

Thundercracker and Skywarp were both blushing, like a pair of untapped younglings sharing their first kiss. There was cheek stroking and soft laughter and a lot of hysterical "I thought _you_ didn't-" and "of course, I _always_ have-" and Starscream felt a little unwell.

At least he and Megatron had the good grace to keep their nonexistent emotions ambiguous towards one another.

"Alright, break it up!" He waved his servos, trying to get one between their tightly embraced frames and prise them apart. "We have manoeuvres-"

"Permission to take the rest of the cycle off?" Skywarp blurted out, servo tightly clasped in Thundercracker's- who was staring at Skywarp dreamily, breathlessly. Starscream was distantly aware that he may have created a monster...

"Eh," he said noncommittally, waving a servo. Letting them go meant he wouldn't have to deal with them crooning at each other.

Skywarp flashed Thundercracker a smile and the very next second they were gone in a wink.

Starscream straightened proudly. And who said matchmaking was hard?

 

* * *

 

"I didn't want to jeopardise our friendship." Thundercracker admittedly quietly, out of breath and sprawled beautifully across Skywarp's berth, optics hooded with lust. "You're the only friend- my only _true_ friend here."

Skywarp hummed his agreement, kissing the inside of his thigh as he waited for Thundercracker to catch his breath. "You're so out of my league." He lifted his chin enough to smile.

"I'm not," Thundercracker's expression was soft and open with infatuation. "You're so carefree, and fun-"

"You mean dumb." Skywarp muttered resentfully.

"You know that's not true," Thundercracker pushed himself upright. "And I'll deck anyone who says otherwise."

Skywarp's chest filled with warmth. He crawled up the berth and kissed Thundercracker again, titling his handsome face to the side to better the angle, to sweep his glossa through his mouth. The berth shifted with a creak, Thundercracker dropping down again and taking Skywarp's servo, guiding him, stroking it down his frame and pressing it to his bared valve.

"You get so wet," Skywarp commented, rubbing his middle digit against Thundercracker's swollen anterior node. He realised this wasn't the most flattering, or romantic thing to say-

"It's because I want you so bad." Thundercracker smiled, not seeming to mind. He pulled Skywarp's wrist to remove his servo. With a shift and a nudge, Skywarp got the hint and slipped back inside him.

Thundercracker's helm flopped back, his cheeks pink. Skywarp never thought he'd get to see him like this, _feel_ him like this, pliant and moaning, breathing his name.

"I've always wanted this." Skywarp told him, kissing his chin and picking up the pace, building it into something rougher and faster, watching Thundercracker's optics flicker, his throat work as he built up his overload.

Servos shot up and seized his wings, digits catching in the armour seams. Skywarp gasped, grabbed one of Thundercracker's thighs and lifted it, rocking deeper, reaching depths that made Thundercracker cry out and seize up and-

Back arching, Thundercracker overloaded, his valve clenching and cycling down on his spike, friction increasing to something near unbearable-

Skywarp felt himself twitch and swell, the gears in his thighs jumping and he finished inside hm. He thrust languidly before holding deep, wanting to relish every moment of it.

He pulled out and rubbed himself against Thundercracker's thigh, wanting more of him. Never wanting to stop.

"Can't get enough of you." He murmured, kissing Thundercracker's neck, musky and warm from interfacing. "Can I go down on you again?"

Thundercracker's smile was bright and breathless. "Yeah," he huffed, wriggling into position. "Sure."

This must have been what the fleshlings meant when they talked about heaven, Skywarp thought, kissing down the convex swell of Thundercracker's cockpit, worshiping every pane of glass.

Heaven- and it sounded like Thundercracker moaning his name.

 

* * *

 

Starscream regretted everything.

"-and he does this thing when we kiss where he touches my wings and he does it just right, not like how grounders just paw at them, you know, like a massage, and when he reaches the ailerons, I just-"

Starscream blinked slowly, unable to summon the strength to interrupt Skywarp's endless rambling, on and on, Thundercracker this, Thundercracker that. He's just so great. He's the love of my life. When he kisses me my spark sings. Urgh.

Starscream thought about sticking his digits down his own throat and just throwing up right then and there to save himself the trouble later. Skywarp didn't seem to notice either way, he was clutching his cube to his chest, wistfully recounting every detail of his night with Thundercracker.

He zoned back in just to hear, "-Megatron ever make you feel like that?"

Starscream met Skywarp bright, lovestruck optics and found himself smiling anyway, thinking of the way Megatron kissed _him_ , touched him, how he would look at him when Starscream left in the mornings. 

"Yeah..." He admitted, hiding his smile behind his cube now. "Something like that."

 


End file.
